When I first became an economics student, I had no idea what economics is. I was pushed by my parent to choose economic major. In their eyes, economics is a subject that research the economic functioning and how to earn money. Additionally, they think economy is a subject that mostly related to our real lives. They reckon that the economic student must be rich after they graduate.
However, it is not true. In my 2 and half years of economic student. I haven’t learned a single course that tell me how to earn money from the market. And they are not “to the ground” at all. All I studied are mathematical formulas and equations. Though I tried hard, I didn’t figure out what I was learning until very recent. I was astonished to find that economics, in fact, is a branch of applied math.
I struggled with this math subject for 5 semesters, from a hell difficult problem to another. They bring my bubbling pride to the ground. And I was doubting my intelligence quality time after time. I couldn’t understand half of the content on lectures, either could I finish homework without staying up late. I keep asking myself, what am I doing? Why I doing this thing that is difficult but nonsense.
Sometimes, suicidal thoughts flashed through my head. I am of no use at all, I think to myself, why am I so stupid? Yet many other subjects I am particularly good at, such as history, geography or international politics, I even got no chance to study them in my university years. I was stuck in a great contradiction. I was deeply depressed at some time, but in other time I was full of pride.
Economics occupies most of my time. I have no time to read novels, play games, or chase a girl. I read economics textbooks, journals and RSS feeds again and again. This is not derived from my interest to subject but from self-discipline. I force myself to become an excellent person when I was a little kid. Even a little mistake will hurt my self-esteem. However, I was hurt once and many times in my university. I was a liberal-arts student, so I was not confident about my math. But I pushed myself hard to understand all the course materials.
Finally, I walked out of the dark winter, and stepped in the warm spring. I finished all the basic courses for economics students, i.e., intermediate microeconomics, macroeconomics and econometrics. Some got average score and some barely passed. From the moment on, I am a qualified economic student, and start searching in a bigger academic world. I found my field of interest and did several satisfactory researches. I don’t know what is the way in the future, but I will keep walking until I am truly run out of my strength.
Becoming a qualified economic student is not easy, but is not hard either. I would like to be a diligent explorer in an unknown new world.
Qizhou (Robin) Luo 
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